God create in me a willingness....

I am torn between what I know i must do, and what I want to do. I long to stay here and continue to work with these guys, the teens here are so amazing and i see so much potential and love in them. I want to continue to hang out and do what i love and God has gifted me in this area... But how do i overcome the obstacle of no money? I just dont see a way around it. Plus i need help, i cannot do this on my own, i need someone who is in the same thought process and will work with me thru this whole thing. It cannot be a one man show, God has to bring someone around who is willing to do what it takes to reach this community. My heart breaks after talking with some people about it, the life that is lived here... It is so dark, but acceptable... I am so overwhelmed with the tasks and the people and the stress of not having enough and...sigh... God is in control, i want to really hold onto that, but this is so hard. I have had to ask for money, and have recieved things, which both are against my nature, i long to give, and so its been hard. How do i accept things i need but that i know if i would just live life normally with a normal job, these things wouldnt be an issue. I could pay for my own car, i could pay for someones meal... I could afford rent. Do i go homeless? Is that what God is calling me to? Do i give in to normal life, and just hope i dont get complacent and content with where i am at? How can i even be sure about what i am doing when i only seem to see failure, and more loss than anything. Will anyone remember me, or my vision, in all honesty? Is it that important? God doesnt need me, He chooses to use me, but does it have to be in this way?

So many questions... I need an answer... I need help... The Lord is my portion I shall not want...

Postponed? Or brought to life?

The question thathas been on my mind is "does God take us places, just to show us it is not the place He wants us at the moment?". I believe i finally have come to a conclusion... Yes. I have been here about a month, and people know who I am and what I want to do, and have begun to run with it. The feeling in my heart is that i will not be here to continue to move it, but that these people will step up and reach their community. One that in all honesty, I cannot reach. God will still work here, and i may never step foot in Plummer, Idaho again, but i need to be okay with that. I need to go where i must, I dont have to much money, the car may or may not make it... But i am trusting God to work through all this... Your prayers would be much appreciated as I go thru this transition...

I am not there yet.

I have known from the beginning that this was going to be hard, just maybe not this hard. I have not felt so lonely or discouraged in a long time. The mountains seem to big to climb, and the terrain to rough to tread through. Every turn seems to be one that just does not work! I thought fpr a fact that this is what God has for me... But if i do not have a job within a week and a half....plan is over, and I move again. I am always moving. Its a long road from WI to Idaho...even longer going back, wondering what i should have or could have done differently. I feel distant from people, and God...

I know I'm unworthy...

The time is coming, and is here when I will have tons of things and kids to keep up with. The more I think about it, the more I know I am not worthy of the task before me. I am excited to see God provide and work it all out, but it is nervewracking....

Blessed assurance!

Oh to know that the Lord is in charge! I am in Plummer, and have already gotten to know more people than I can remember. I am currently in St. Maries applying for jobs, God has just been opening doors everywhere! Please pray i stay focused and that God will continue to provide and continue the work that is started.

Oh that I would follow You...

My life has been so blessed lately, but still I feel void. The anxiousness and the worry of doing this alone, has had me bound for awhile. My prayer is that God will bring someone to help, but until then that I would do all He has asked of me. I am so weak, and unprepared, God has to be in charge! Please pray for me, that God would bring someone into my life or into this ministry.

I am at Jared and Elyse's tonight, I got to hold Ewan again :) may be the last time for awhile. Such a cute little boy, 'cept he was mad his pants were loaded.
Thank you for your prayers as I go into this stage of life!

By His Grace,
Bruce

The Journey begins!

Wow, what time has gone by since school! God has been doing so much in my life, and those around me. He has truly shown me lately that He is in control, and that i don't need toworry about tomorrow, because He has it in His hands.

I head to Plummer,ID on saturday morning, and I am so excited to begin the work I feel God has been preparing me for, for the past few years! One thing I would ask for the current time, is prayer that I would have thestrength needed to dowhat needs done,and it only comes from God. Also that God would continue to direct me in His path, that i would have the courage to say and do what needs done. Also, that i would be ready in and out of season, and have a reason to give those who ask why I do what I do.

Thanks to all who are prYing and supporting this endeavor! May God bless you and keep you.

In Him,
Bruce