make a man out of you!

So today I got together with Chris again, we always meet up when I come home for a visit. :)
It was so good to hear what God has been and is doing in the hearts of the teens in my hometown. How God has used HCY over the years is just incredible. Once again I was faced with the option of coming on staff. And committing my financial and physical needs to the Lord in service through ministry.

Chris had a lot of good points as far as not me joining HCY, but me following God and listening to His soft, still voice. Questions like "What are you doing in Bozeman?" and "Do you feel God calling ou to Bozeman? Or just to ministry?"

Those for me right now are very good questions. Yes I love Bozeman, and I love the mountains. But what has God called me to? Mountains? No, He has called me to ministry that I know.
So what this looks like is where I am at now. The fact that jobs arent working, and I dont feel at peace... it makes me wonder if God isnt calling me home.

God has taken me all over, I have been through the grind of life I think enough for now. It is now time to choose what I will do, and where I wil stay for atleast a whole chapter of my life.
This has been one chapter, maybe Wisconsin is the next chapter in this story...

Sing!

Sing, Sing, Sing, and make music in the heavens!

Recently I have been remembering the time I had at MWSB. And all the different things I was able to do in the time I had there as a student.  God was(is) so good, the friendships, the alone time, the prayer time... So helpful. It gets me to thinking about right here and now, and how can it be atleast somewhat like that.

Honestly I think what I had at school, was in close relation to what you see in Scripture. We worked hard, and we engulfed ourselves in Gods word. We reached out to others through drama and choir, and multiple other things. We were secluded but not so much that we were not doing the great commission. Yes, it cant be like that, but cant I take things from that and place them in my life here and now?

I want to sing so much! I want to act goofy, and have it be okay!

I want to give it all over to Jesus, and just live a life of full devotion... but it is so difficult!

ROMANS 12:

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
 
(Romans 12 ESV)

I don't know what to title this...

I feel like a broken record saying this, and I have come terms with the fact that many think I am very discontent and unhappy with where I am at. Well, I am writing this to confirm all your suspicions and to finally just come out and say it. Because once again I am feeling that I moved in haste and did not do the right thing.
When I was home last things did not go as planned, and alot happened in my life at once. I had an opportunity that I simply passed over because of haste, and a longing to get away from home...again.
I think a lot of this comes from my view of God. I often don't picture Him as God so much but as a boss. The guy who tells me what to do, and when to do it. And like usual I am horrible at following directions, so I go my own route... then later discover that it was totally opposite of what was originally planned. The only difference with Him is, I dont get fired after the 3rd mess up.
I don't know why, but I... I don't know whats going on to be blunt. I don't know what I am to do with my life, I have so many interests and they all collide and create quite the mess. I love youth, but I love music, but I love physical labor... but I HATE mornings. So in those few things you could see how the mess happens.
But in general, I am having a hard time finding a place that feels like home. I always look back at High school, and wonder why I was so content then... was it cause I had no option, and so that time was just the best? Because even at MWSB the whole first semester and at the end, all I wanted was to get out, and do whatever.
Has God called me to be a sojourner? I don't know... I don't know if I am cut out for that kind of thing, and if so what would I do with my time, and where would I go? Not that that has been a huge issue up to this point but... Is there even the slightest plan?
I am not the most organized guy, but I do like order, and to know what is happening and when... so I do enjoy some sort of control. But the last... 7 months of my life have been complete chaos and no order, and absolute insanity. I honestly dont know what effect I have had anywhere I have been, because I have not been there long enough to know. Whether it was finances or or just not allowing God to get me through the rough stuff. I have either left or copped out of multiple things. I hate the feeling I have in my gut... the feeling of failure and flat out disbelief in God. The fact that God has given me opportunities everywhere I have gone, and not allowing them to blossom. I have done it time and again.
I feel the definition of insanity comes into play here... "Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."
I have moved over and over expecting different results each time. When in honesty, is moving from one group of sinful people, to another group of sinful people... gunna change much? Probably not.
The Bible talks about being content in all circumstances, and to rejoice in trials... I have done neither...
Instead I have tucked in my tail, and run the other way. I can blame it on the fact I am a people pleaser, or that I hate confrontation... all of which are true. But none of which are an excuse for my actions.

As for what I am up to now... During this time home for Christmas I will be examining what I am doing, and why very hard. Actually taking the time to pray over what to do.
As for what I am doing... I don't know. I couldn't tell you. Even tonight at church a person asked me what I was up to... all I could say was living life... Because I chose to come home, I have no job, and an apartment I cant pay for... So... my rash decisions have caught up with me, and others pay the price...

I want to be what God made me to be... this video explains it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk


Prayer would be great as I try and mend all that I have broken....

A world turned upside down?

When I think about the Lord, how He saved me, how He raised me... I wish I fell on my face. But I don't. I am listening to “Crazy Love” right now, and the more I listen the more ashamed I am that I take so much for granted. God calls us to a life of worship, a life that is fully devoted to Christ, and wholly surrendered to the great commission.

I guess I just never thought of what that really looks like in my day. What does it look like? Can we do what the disciples did, and just go around proclaiming it? If not, why?

If He is all that matters in this life, if He is who gave me life... Why can't I do that? What is so “weird” about it?

Why do we allow what others think, and what the church does as “tradition” effect how we worship or how we live out our faith? Shouldn't we love Him genuinely?

If that means you raise your hands, then raise them. If that means you don't sing, and just stand there praying, or in awe of the fact that you are able to sing and pray to the ALMIGHTY God? Then do it. The fact is no one should scold you, or judge you for anything that you do towards God, that was a genuine act of worship.

Whether you are charismatic, pentecostal, Evangelical, Methodist, Calvinist, Or even Non-Denominational(?). No matter what you are, no matter what version of the Bible you have, or what background you have... You worship the same God. But for some reason in the church we find the stupidest things to rip apart. The Calvinist is to strict, the charismatic is to showy... and so on.
Lets blow all that off to the side and just focus on you, and me. I am not like you, where you may get up at 6am I may not get up till 8am. You like tea, I like coffee. You like summer, I like fall. You email, I facebook.
The point is we all like different things, and we all do something different from the guy or girl next to us. So why does it matter if one person worships with His hands up in the air, the other worships with his hands in his pockets. Who are we to judge who is the better? The outward can be deceiving. We need to remember “man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Lately this has really been on my mind. The fact that the church has split and made different churches, different denominations, and everything because of the smallest things. This group hates this group, and this other group is a cult, so we all hate them.
But... Don't we all read the same Bible... unless you are mormon or catholic...

Don't we all worship the same GOD. We may all have different views of God, we may take some things out of context, don't we all? The thing is, a lot of time these things aren't the case! A lot of times it is a split through worship music or lifting of hands!!! HOW DUMB! We are all selfish damned people, who don't know a freaking thing about what the heck we are doing. It is about our comfort and our wants. The church has turned into a squabbling bunch of three year olds who don't give a rip about the guy next to them.

We give cause it looks good, we worship because its planned, and we sit through a sermon that if we are honest... we aren't listening cause we have texts coming in.

God isn't interested in you. Sorry. He loves you, He died for you. But He isn't interested in people who are lukewarm. So go cry in a corner.

Okay, I am done ranting now...

So... If you are still reading this, my point is this:

God is more important than denominations, worship style, or any text you may receive.

Lets get off the couch, guys quit watching cartoons, or playing video games. Lets take to heart what we say or read, and do it. If we are not ashamed, then we should be okay with doing whatever it takes to make God the focus, and only focus of our lives.

Why not preach Jesus to everyone we meet? Cause it is awkward? Or cause we are to prideful? Or because we honestly just dont think about it..? We don't think about the God who gave us our breathe. Hmm....
What I am saying is... You don't know what will happen tomorrow, you are a mist that appears then vanishes(James). So go share Jesus, don't give crappy excuses, and just do it. Because death does not wait for you. Satan will be more than pleased when you believe the lie that you have all the time in the world, and can do whatever you want. When the Bible clearly states to constantly preach the gospel, and to be ready in and out of season. The thing is, you may not have all winter to share Christ. Tomorrow you may be driving and go off the road, and you will be dead. What have you done in the past week for Christ? And going to Bible school does not count. Who have you shared Christ with? Have you even thought about it?

It shocks me when I think about my life. Because honestly I have not done half of this, but I am changing that as we speak. I just got my own place and have spent the past week, and all tonight focusing on this. How do I change, what does it take, who can I share Jesus with?

But even if I just think about it does that really count!? NO!

That is what the church.. that is what WE do! We are the church, we are Gods messengers, His ambassadors to this world! He chose us, but we think that we... these tiny little specks in a massive world, that is in an even more massive universe... that we are in charge, we are most important. How foolish.

So what are you going to do about your faith? Are you going to truly follow Christ, or just think it? Just be a church goer? The Bible says to be DOERS of the Word, and not just hear it and so deceive ourselves. God doesn't want a half hearted, self serving... nancy. He wants a passionate, faithful, giving, worshiper!!!

Go and make disciples!!!

Live Life. Please.

"You are everything good, You are everything Beautiful, You are everything, You're everything!" - Gungor


That line... I like it, but at the same time it amazes me at what that is saying. God is EVERYTHING!? Seriously...
I feel like the next thing someone would say is... Can I quote you on that?
That is a very bold statement to be making about someone...something... a thought... that you have never met. I can imagine next time that something bad happened that they would be in your face asking who He was? Everything or was it Nothing?

I guess that is a good question, who is God? Not just the thought, or the universal idea of Him. But what is YOU'RE concept of God? Is He loving, Judgmental, Mean, Powerful, Weak, Gracious, Strict?
What strikes you? Does the thought or the topic of God just make you're spine shiver.. Or does it comfort you?

I for one, lately, have had both. God has been good to me in so many ways. But He throws in these things that just make me want to get so mad, and just forget about Him. I find myself asking why the heck did this happen, or why would He allow me to have this, just to seemingly take it away afew weeks later?

The words "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" come to mind more than once a week.
But then I remember in lamentations... which for those of you who dont know is about a guy named Jeremiah, who just wanted to get the complaining, and the cries of his heart out!
The thing is, about half way through the book in chapter 3... He totally flips it around. He starts talking about how the Lords mercies never fail, and how they are new every morning! EVERY MORNING! And that He is ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

So lets get this straight... God allows crap to happen... but He is considered faithful? He takes things away from you, that you enjoy... Yet He is gracious and gives us all we need... in.... Him?

The woman at the well is a perfect example. This lady, honestly, she was horrible at living a "good" life! Jesus goes to the well because He knew she would be there, and starts conversing with her about living water. How HE was that water, and that HE could bring her all the fulfillment and joy that she was looking for. It took her quizzing her and He simply told her about the fact that she had had 5 husbands. Then all of a sudden she goes and tells everyone that He told her everything about her. He did? And they, even with knowing who she was, went and listened. Why?
The only reasoning in this is for one... When you meet Jesus you can't help but be changed in a dramatic way. Jesus didnt tell her everything about her, but through that one thing, it brought out many others in her heart. And secondly, they all saw that change, the change in her stature, and her voice... and it made them curious enough to see who this JESUS was!

So really if you don't know Jesus, and only know about Jesus... You can't say what or who He is... She may have heard of Him, but it wasn't till they met, that she saw and heard Jesus for herself, and it was life changing.

But that is only one little bit of a lot of questions...
So back to myself, just this week... I went to go check my schedule at work. I was supposed to have off on the 21st, so that i can fly home to my family for Christmas. Well my boss did not do what he said he would, so i am working that day now! I have been furious, furious at him, furious at everyone. Because this was supposed to be simple. My first resort was to yell at God and ask why the heck my boss didnt do what the heck he was supposed to!
So now I am faced with the choice... go home? Or work? Because the other end of this was... If I dont work that day... there is a 99% chance I wont have my job when I return.
So why would God, knowing that I have the flight tickets, and that I also do need the job... throw this at me!? Doesnt He care? Did I do something wrong to make Him teach me a lesson? I mean, I know I am a sinner so i screw up alot... but still, I am a decent guy....

I have been a Christian since the age of 7, and I am still asking this!?!?

So in closing... I am not going to answer all these questions, because honestly I do not have all the answers. I also believe a lot of these are personal questions that you need to answer for yourself...

All I can say is this, God puts hard times in our lives to make us more dependent upon Him. We tend to be very selfish... But our God is a jealous God, and is deserving of our praise and adoration.
We may not understand all the logistics of it, but we can't put God in a box.
God never gives more than we can handle, and we always have friends beside us to pick us up. A cord of three strands is not easily broken!

So who is God to you?
How are you going to respond to what life throws at you?
Where is your trust? In Him? Or in your own strength?

Galatians 2:20 - Read it!

The problem with America, and all of us there within...

Psalm 66:5 "Come and see what God has done: He is awesome in His deeds toward the children of man."

So I get an apartment come the 16th and dont get me wrong I am so excited for this, and the fact that I can allow people over to my place! Give them a place to relax, chat, do homework... Whatever it is. But the more I get to prepare for this, the more I wonder what it is I need, and what I want... Many people dont have a roof over their head... Just today I passed a man on the street who looked so cold, and worn down. He held a sign that said "anything helps". He wasnt asking for money, or anything, maybe he just needs a sweatshirt. But I didnt stop, or even give it a thought, till just now. Last night I went to a friends house, and all that happened was a lot of weed and smoking. Which from non believers is normal, but did I mention anything, or say it isnt right? I can do that in love right?
So are both of these situations in the past 24 hours just normal life things... Or opportunities from God to show or proclaim His love. Most would say no, but the more I think on it.. Dont we live and breathe to proclaim Him? Isnt that our whole purpose as a believer? Or do we just keep God in our heads. He is okay to speak of where it is safe for us, but otherwise... Is it reaallly necessary?
So when it comes down to it, even though I say I love God, I am ashamed of the truth I hold, because it makes me uncomfortable, or loses friends. Im a selfish hypocrite, who thinks that the only thing that matters is my comfort.
I read Romans 8, about life in the spirit... And that it includes suffering for Him, the taking up of our crosses... Because nothing is to compare in this world with the surpassing glory that is to be revealed to us!
Galatians 2:20 became my life verse when I went to MWSB, it states:
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
I wish that verse rang true in my life.. But i know the my heart, and I know that this is not what I am like. I have been crucified with Christ... My judgment has been taken, but as for the living by faith, because of that? I am not sure that I know what that truly means. I mean, I will say I do, because believers are supposed to right? But how many "believers" just put on the "i have faith" face, when in all reality... We dont even know what it looks like. We dont look any different than the other guy who lives His life in sin.
The fact is, we are sinners saved by grace... But that does not mean we continue sinning! I pray that God breaks our hearts for what breaks His, and that we begin to live unashamed. Not just saying we have faith, not just hanging out with friends, but truly going after the matter of the heart. Truly focusing on eternity, and that all here is loss for the sake of Christ, and our neighbors and friends need Jesus! Cause tomorrow may be to late.

Why?

WHAT DISTURBED YOU MOST IN 2011?
What disturbed you the most? A lost soul in Hell, or a scratch on that car. Your missing the worship service or missing a days work. The church not growing very fast or the garden not growing. Your Bible unopened, or a newspaper unread. The contributions decreasing or your income decreasing. Your children late to Bible study or late to public school. Your church work neglected or your housework neglected. To miss Bible class or to miss your favorite TV program. Low attendance at worship or low attendance at a party. Now how about 2012?

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (John 12:25 ESV)

Why are we so blind as believers!? We sit on our couches, play video games and watch tv... When there are so many who need Christ! I am so tired of just conforming, there is so much that needs done, and we just pass the time like we have nothing more important to do! Who the heck do we think we are!!?? We are flat out selfish idiots! I am a huge culprit of this!
It sickens me to think that one night I will lead worship and the next act as if God isnt important at all! Do non believers even see a freaking difference in me, or any of us!?
What is so different? We dont swear? Smoke? Big woop!!!!!
I can not cuss but stil be as normal as joe shmoe next to me!

God didnt give us all these things to enjoy, just in and of themselves! We dont have a car, so that it can take the place of our neighbor who is condemned to hell, because we decided to put more thought into our own personal needs.
We live in dying bodies, and a dying world... So who gives a rip about our crap! If we are not wholly focused on Hi, what the heck is the point! Paul says that he counts all as loss for the sake of KNOWING CHIRST! I know I cannot say that... Why!? Because my priorities are messed the heck up!

God is patient, but we are just plain ignorant and selfish. We say we love Him, and supposedly worship on sunday... But we act like retards the rest of the week. May God save us from these bodies of death.. Thank goodness for grace.

In my weakness... he is strong.

I have been noticing a lot of weaknesses in my life lately... Loneliness is one of them. I struggle so bad with it.. God help me be content.

Kinda comfy, but not really... But in reality yes.

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”

the past two or three days I really have struggled with this...
Am I comfortable, and why do I want to be? And am I content with where I am at, so God can and has to be prevalent in my life. I honestly don't like the answer, but at the same time I love it. The answer is no I am not comfortable, and have not been for some time, but I also am not depending on God...
So where is the gap? Why am I struggling and staying out of my comfort zone if I am not going to submit to Him anyways? Am I not just decieving myself, or am I trying to make myself feel better about not following Him?
The other nit I had a dream that Christ came, He handed me the book, and my name was not there. All that was written was "many will say Lord, Lord..." you know the rest. I woke up sweating, it was the single most terrifying thing to in my gut... Ahh! To know I know Him, but I may not... Know Him. That is terrifying to me. The fact that when that day comes and I stand before the throne. I may hear "I never knew you" or "I know you, but where is the fruit? what did you do with my Son?"

Do I preach Christ... Much less Christ crucified. The one that put breathe in my lungs, and a song on my lips. Do I tell of His wonderous deeds? Am I unashamed? Cause if so, would I not give Him everything 110% not just 10%??

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:16, 17 ESV)

The believers Tourniquet

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16 ESV)

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. (1 John 5:13-15 ESV)


Psalm 5:3
"My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up."

Nehemiah 4:9
"Nevertheless we made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them day and night, because of them."
(he prayed as well as took action)

Psalm 27:14
"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."

Romans 12:12
"Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;"

Matthew 6:7
 "But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking."

1Thessalonians 5:17
"Pray without ceasing."

these are just afew of the verses I found concerning prayer :)
I truly believe that this is the best way to constrain, and keep the devil back. To heal the wounds in our lives, the ones that maybe before seemed permanent. To take back the joy and life that Christ has always intended.
This is a privelege for us as believers, may we use it to its fullest extent. :)

Space Reserved

But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. (Revelation 2:4 ESV)

Many times in my travels, I look at the passenger seat in my car... It is filled usually with my ipad, music, and a Bible, and whatever odds and ends I happen to put there...like food. I have lost count at how many times I have wished for company, for someone.. Anyone I love to be in that seat. Because I get lonely in my car, for extended hours of travel. Why I travel so much, only God knows what is happening. He has taken me on a journey I never would have planned, expected, or really wanted. But here i am, in one piece, and still have joy.

The emptiness I feel sometimes, I guess if you pull that out of my longing for a partner, and put it to... Not knowing Christ... It fits. Cause honestly what is the thing that so many people try to fill with drugs, sex, alcohol... The sense of being alone, no one cares, anger... Whatever it is they...we... Are searching for better.... For non believers its the God that made them and wants them. For us believers.. Its our first love! I know for myself so many times in a day i abandon my first love. In choices i make, in conversations I have. Everything!

Then we wonder why we feel miserable? It is because we are or have lost touch with our Creator. The Bible talks about how when you seperate yourself from Him and dont honor Him. You begin to go back to your old ways, the ways of the flesh. The lust of the eyes, the pride of...yourself.
We are a sinful race, only saved by grace. It is by grace you have been saved!
Let us remember our purpose here! Remember your creator in the days of your youth!

May the love of God indwell you today!
Proclaim Him wherever you go!
Do not be ashamed!

Freedom to sing, and to dance!

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1 ESV)

When I read this verse the other day I wrote a whole blog post on it... Then i lost the whole post and was really upset :)
So here we go again!

The thing that really gets me about this is the fact that, if I am in Christ, or atleast proclaim to be i. him. Should I not be free, and longing to do the things of Him eho made me? Should we not all long to share Christ with whoever we come in contact with? And if so why are we not doing the thing we were called to do? In Joshua the Lord to Joshua to be of good courage! To have the strength to do what God has called of Him to do, and he did it. He did more than just the one task of Jericho, but he led the nation of Israel onto victory many times. When he died he said "as for me and my house we will serve the Lord." wow! That is what I want whether i am single my whole life, or ai have a family, I want to say that i followed to the to the end of my days. That even through the hard times, i gave it my all!

May I have the boldness to stand for what I profess to believe, and give God the time and the glory He so honestly deserves in my life, may we all do so!
The empathy and stagnant, unforgiving, unwholesome, deceptive, distracted, unappealing church needs to end. We need to wake up!! Wake up and see that there is more than music to fight over! There are eternal souls at stake here, lives that are daily being lost to the depths of hell...
What are we as truth givers going to do about it? Sit on the side and allow people to go about their lives, knowing that they are going to live in eternal torment!? Are we going to disregard Christs last commandment!? Justify it by saying someone else will? NO. By saying we believe in Him, then we are to do His commandments. No ifs ands or buts.
Just a thought...

The inserts of a small boy.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. (1 Corinthians 7:17 ESV)

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13 ESV)

The life that the Lord has called... Many times in a week, and even a day do I wonder what that is. The context of that verse is about marriage, which is one of the many questions I have about my life. Will I get married, am I ready? There is so much that goes just into that portion of life. I want to get married but i do not know if I am ready for that commitment, right now i am having a hard time just settling in one spot.
Then there is a job, what do I do with my life? I want to go back to school for music and ministry, but is that my calling? And how do I know what is Gods calling and what is just me making up my mind on my own?

I am called to do as He has given me, to BE strong, and to ACT as a MAN. There are many times i am NOT a man, giving into my selfish wants and desires. The bible talks so much about giving into the lust of the flesh... And how its so wrong, yet i persist on doing what i know I should not. Who will save me from this body of death...?

Like I said so many questions.. So many things I need to work on, and here i am in the middle of all these people... Feeling as lost as they truly are. I fret over little things, when i am surrounded by people who are eternally condemned... That is my calling... Isnt it? To reach the lost? But what about my own walk, can I focus to much on others?

This is what has been going on in my head... Mainly cause i have been struggling lately.
Give it to Jesus, its all about Jesus... I need to engrain that in my head. Preach the gospel to myself daily. He changes everything.

"and how can I stand here with YOU, and NOT be moved by YOU!?"

Catch your breathe

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18 ESV)

I love the fact that this is as close to hell as I am going to get. I love that i am going to see Him face to face, and that He will accept me. I am unworthy and deservant of death, but He has given Himself for me, so that I can have an eternal home... Way more than i could ask for.

I feel like such a failure since school... Im so glad that He doesn't count it all against me... I would be so lost... I feel lost many days anyways...

God give me strength, and help me to come to you daily... I fail so much at giving you the time you deserve. I am weak, and broken... Give me the wisdom to proceed, and the attentiveness to hear your soft, small voice... Make it a loud yell in my ear. Help me my God!

Betsy, and the travels of my car and I...

Colossians 3:15-16

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." ESV

In the past 5 months I have lived in Montana, Idaho, and Wisconsin... I have started the process of a youth center in Idaho and am currently on hold with the idea of raising support until I know it is Gods timing. In Wisconsin I lived with my family for a time and just worked in the family business. But I knew that I could not stay there and I needed to get out... So I moved to Glendive, which at the moment is where I am typing this. So right after I left school I also moved to Bozeman for afew weeks, but that is beside the point. :)

When i got to idaho I did not have a car, God provided so much at this point! Little did I know I was going to get a $600 dollar priced car, for only $300! I left not to long after that from there, and I headed home... No air-conditioning, no radio, and a car loaded to the brim with my things! I fixed the few things up that needed done on the car while home, and then came here to Glendive with it, following Scott.

Now that I have been in Glendive for three months, I have become Assistant Manager at "The Coffee Den" and have been for the past month. As much as I love my job, it is looking as if it is time to move on, and do things to forward my career. I want to go back to school, and I honestly can't believe I am saying that but it is true. I want to get a degree in music and in ministry. But to do so I need to be earning more, and able to save up money and not have it dissapear right away. So I look to move to Big Sky and work, doing shoveling, thankfully the pay is 11-14 an hour. :)

So yea, this is what has been happening in my life!

Blessed...

"there is a kingdom coming..." -Marshal Mclean

There is a kingdom coming and what have i done to prepare for it? I honestly can't say to much. I can think of all the sins i have done lately, and how everyones heaven is becoming my hell. I have a sick feeling in my gutt that when the day comes, i will not be ready. I wont hear the words "well done"... But that it will just be i made it...

God forbid this happen, its tearing me apart, that i will only see God for real if i am pure in heart... I know that on my own my hands..what i do is all empty, but with Him they are filled. I need Him to do things, God answer me! Attend to my suffering, hear my silent cries, my inner longings.. Destroy my flesh...

There is war in my peace, things that im holding that ive got to release... I have to. Blessed.... The word is "Blessed".

Few can feel the coming kingdom... But i can, and i pray that i am ready.

Seeing the difference, takes a new set of eyes.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

The joy of leading, and of helping others is seeing the change that goes on. The problem a lot of times is the fact that man looks at the outward appearance, and not at the heart. I just wish that somehow God would allow us to look at how a persons thoughts are, and where the heart is. It is so awesome seeing change, but we often dont wait long enough, we are impatient people.

God has been teaching me patience, and how He does things in His own timing so i do not have to worry about it. I just need to do what I am called to do, at the time I am told to do it. God will work out the details, and honestly it wont happen in my timing, but God is God. His timing is perfect. For me the hard part is my pride, I hate being told no, or that I do not know things. But like James says faith produces steadfastness! If i continue in my faih, i will become more and more Christ like, not lacking anything... Not to serve my ego, but to honestly, humbly serve my God.

The Benjamin Project

What started as an idea in my and Tylers mind, has moved into action. We have begun reaching out to the kids in and out of the church. Discipling has been happening, as has just relationship building! :)

God has been working so much, and the kids are really seeking out God and what THEIR PURPOSE is! Please be praying as they take steps of faith, and that we would have the strength, patience, and wisdom to deal woth every situation. :)

In the will of Him who made me. I am complete.

"For nothing will be impossible with God" - Gospel of Luke

The human mind is so short minded, so many things seem unreachable to us. That is what satan loves to use, our own perceptions against the true power of the cross. In the Bible we see the full power of the cross, and how it conquered all fear that they had. The power of the cross is staggering! The reason I came to Glendive was to see how much i trusted in that power, obviously not enough! Because I have been blown away by it, and the opportunities i have had to share about it!

God has taken a selfish, perverted, stubborn guy like me... And used me for things that I am so unworthy of being able to do. I forget God so much... But still when the time comes, i am His messenger. The song sweetly broken is the one you are listening to right now, if you are reading this. That song has been my life song. That is the prayer i have for myself... And others. That i would be drawn to the cross, and brought to my knees. Not in fear... But in awe, submission, and humility. Knowing that MY Savior used that tree to free me from something that... I never could have escaped. I want it to bring tears to my eyes, every time i think of it!

I pray this be the case, in my life and yours...

Uncontainable JOY

"I'm ecstatic, and these thoughts are uncontrollably speratic, but their all centered around one center... Joy..."

Oh God how great are your mercies, and the love that you show your servant. I am so underservant of this love, this grace that you have poured over me! The family and friends that surround me, I am underservant of their love. The gift of music and of words, how can I not share Your WORD.

In all reality, all views, and all thoughts of life... I should not be here, you should not be here. We are a damned people, headed for eternal condemnation from an eternally perfect God. I don't deserve any better, cause every day I do things that are so wrong, so against the God that not only created me, but gave Himself for me. I feel so often like Paul, doing the things I don't want to do, and not doing what I so desperately desire!

But God is a God of grace and love... That does not mean I continue on in sin. But I STRIVE to overcome it, because HE is greater than satan. He is in me, therefore I have the power to overcome. That is what brings joy, the fact that GOD, the Creator of the universe... Is also the lover of a little speck of a living being, on a small planet called earth in the milky way galaxy. What a God I serve.

This is home!

So, to give you an update I am living in Glendive, MT! We have been here for about a week now, and are slowly getting to know the people here and the area. Sam had an interview yesterday at Albertsons and got the job, and I have an interview tomorrow for K-Mart, so excited to get the job. I also am going to join into the band "Heavy Laden" as a bass player. Tyler Nash and the guys here are actually really fun to play with, and have an amazing testimony. This coming weekend I go to hang out with Jordy, Janae, and play Mini Golf as well. :)
God has taken me quite a long ways to land me here in a small town on the eastern end of Montana.
May God be glorified in my time here, and guide me as Sam and I look to reach this community for Christ.

Sunday, Fun Day!

I am headed to Glendive, MT!!! Sunday, Scott and I head out from my parents in Wisconsin, and begin the journey south. It is weird to think that exactly a year ago I was doing the same thing! On the way we stop near Princeton,WI to pick up some stuff for a girl at school. Then when we hit Fargo I will be picking up Spilch! He will be moving to Glendive with me, which is just amazing! Then we will stay in Bismark sunday night and go the rest of the way Monday. :)
Anyways, I am so excited for this new adventure! Spilch and I were joined at the hip all year at MWSB, so this is awesome that we can go and just live life, and grow in Christ. This will be such a good thing for me, we have planned that we will keep each other in the Word, and do it as a group.

God is so good, sending things, and people into my life that are so challenging to me! Spilch knows me well, and will know how to challenge me and get on my case. Please pray for us as we go into a new area, and that we will continue to serve Christ no matter what the circumstance. :)

Eternity Matters

"I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours." - Casting Crowns 


We who live in this nervous age would be wise to meditate on
our lives and our days long and often before the face of God
and on the edge of eternity.  For we are made for eternity as
certainly as we are made for time, and as responsible
moral beings we must deal with both.

A.W. Tozer

John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

This has come to me more and more lately... The fact that I am going to die. I am going to die, and when I do what will people remember of me? That I was lazy, never risked anything, did only the expected, that Christ wasn't important? What will it be when that time comes? Did I go to those in need and share Christ with them?

Preach the GOSPEL to YOURSELF, DAILY! Just recently am I getting what that really means. When I do NOT do that, when I am NOT in the GOSPEL daily... I suffer. I do things I do not want to do, my day goes poorly, and my mind is not focused on that day, and what HE has for me at that moment.

Paul talks about running the race, but doing so that it will not have been in vain(Phil. 2). How am I running, half heartedly, or with a passion that no one can question!?

I want to be the prayer warrior that I see Paul is in his letters. Do you notice in every letter he has EVERYONE in his prayers!? He thanks God for all of them, why... Because they are fellow heirs in Christ! He is the drive, He creates the bond, HE changes Everything!!!

Eternity... Where am I headed? Heaven! Where is my neighbor headed? Or my friends?
I often don't think of it, it isn't the first thing that comes to mind... but shouldn't it be?
Where I go matters... Where they go matters just as much. I need to think about it, I need to preach the gospel to myself daily. Christ deserves my all! And because Christ loves everyone, I need to be His servant, as He made the biggest sacrifice for me!

Matthew 28 - Go and(on your way) make disciples!!!

In depth

In the past few days I have met with afew people about my future... Where I want to be, where they could see me, and how to get there.
I am starting to attend a Bible study with college aged students, and do one with another guy in the area. So Excited for both of them! I start my job at trigs on Monday, so that is sneaking up on me...

I want to take the position at HCY but... I also want to move out with Spilch and do something... could we do it here??? I wonder if he would want to do it here... Or should I move? I really am lost in all my choices.
I was listening to David Crowder again today, and his lyrics really hit me... God is so in control of everything! But I dont feel it... the song asks if you feel it, and I thought about it and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I honestly do not. So something is wrong. What is it... It is my focus... my love is not for Christ, its for all my earthly possesions and my earthly desires. The Bible clearly states that it should not be that way!!!

I want to make a difference for Christ, I want to believe more! I have to do SOMETHING!!!
A lot of questions... not many answers... I need answers...

The kind of thing you avoid...

I have been having to deal with a lot of things that for years, i have avoided...
God is putting me in positions to have to change, to have to face conflict. I hate conflict... I just pray i come out in one piece. So far i am failing at this. But God has truly blessed me besides. I have two jobs, and am gaining some very valuable friendships! I am involved in music at church, and my siblings are growing in Christ! Such a blessing to be able to see them right now, and to be there for them! I wish i could do more. May God calm me, and iknow He will complete what he started!

The simple things...

So often I pass over simple things... Like catching a musky, or having a job. I take them for grantit! Oh the things God has given me, i am so blessed! I should not expect everything, but be glad with what I have, where I am, and where I will be! Matthew 6 needs to be something I keep in mind. I will continue to be thankful, no matter what the circumstance. The Lords mercies are new every morning! GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!

Passiveness...my undoing?

How I have treated my faith lately, has really gotten to me. I have become very passive in my thinking and actions... While at home i am going to work on this... Latelt the thought of going out of my home life has been on my mind. What keeps me from going into the streets? Do i go to school? Idk... I know something is wrong though, i am not satisfied with the normal life.. I want more.

The time in between

I am back in Wisconsin, and am not sure what to think about it. The Lord took me for a journey out to Idaho, showed me things, and taught me things. But i will not be there to see it happen... Where now God? Where now..?

God create in me a willingness....

I am torn between what I know i must do, and what I want to do. I long to stay here and continue to work with these guys, the teens here are so amazing and i see so much potential and love in them. I want to continue to hang out and do what i love and God has gifted me in this area... But how do i overcome the obstacle of no money? I just dont see a way around it. Plus i need help, i cannot do this on my own, i need someone who is in the same thought process and will work with me thru this whole thing. It cannot be a one man show, God has to bring someone around who is willing to do what it takes to reach this community. My heart breaks after talking with some people about it, the life that is lived here... It is so dark, but acceptable... I am so overwhelmed with the tasks and the people and the stress of not having enough and...sigh... God is in control, i want to really hold onto that, but this is so hard. I have had to ask for money, and have recieved things, which both are against my nature, i long to give, and so its been hard. How do i accept things i need but that i know if i would just live life normally with a normal job, these things wouldnt be an issue. I could pay for my own car, i could pay for someones meal... I could afford rent. Do i go homeless? Is that what God is calling me to? Do i give in to normal life, and just hope i dont get complacent and content with where i am at? How can i even be sure about what i am doing when i only seem to see failure, and more loss than anything. Will anyone remember me, or my vision, in all honesty? Is it that important? God doesnt need me, He chooses to use me, but does it have to be in this way?

So many questions... I need an answer... I need help... The Lord is my portion I shall not want...

Postponed? Or brought to life?

The question thathas been on my mind is "does God take us places, just to show us it is not the place He wants us at the moment?". I believe i finally have come to a conclusion... Yes. I have been here about a month, and people know who I am and what I want to do, and have begun to run with it. The feeling in my heart is that i will not be here to continue to move it, but that these people will step up and reach their community. One that in all honesty, I cannot reach. God will still work here, and i may never step foot in Plummer, Idaho again, but i need to be okay with that. I need to go where i must, I dont have to much money, the car may or may not make it... But i am trusting God to work through all this... Your prayers would be much appreciated as I go thru this transition...

I am not there yet.

I have known from the beginning that this was going to be hard, just maybe not this hard. I have not felt so lonely or discouraged in a long time. The mountains seem to big to climb, and the terrain to rough to tread through. Every turn seems to be one that just does not work! I thought fpr a fact that this is what God has for me... But if i do not have a job within a week and a half....plan is over, and I move again. I am always moving. Its a long road from WI to Idaho...even longer going back, wondering what i should have or could have done differently. I feel distant from people, and God...

I know I'm unworthy...

The time is coming, and is here when I will have tons of things and kids to keep up with. The more I think about it, the more I know I am not worthy of the task before me. I am excited to see God provide and work it all out, but it is nervewracking....

Blessed assurance!

Oh to know that the Lord is in charge! I am in Plummer, and have already gotten to know more people than I can remember. I am currently in St. Maries applying for jobs, God has just been opening doors everywhere! Please pray i stay focused and that God will continue to provide and continue the work that is started.

Oh that I would follow You...

My life has been so blessed lately, but still I feel void. The anxiousness and the worry of doing this alone, has had me bound for awhile. My prayer is that God will bring someone to help, but until then that I would do all He has asked of me. I am so weak, and unprepared, God has to be in charge! Please pray for me, that God would bring someone into my life or into this ministry.

I am at Jared and Elyse's tonight, I got to hold Ewan again :) may be the last time for awhile. Such a cute little boy, 'cept he was mad his pants were loaded.
Thank you for your prayers as I go into this stage of life!

By His Grace,
Bruce

The Journey begins!

Wow, what time has gone by since school! God has been doing so much in my life, and those around me. He has truly shown me lately that He is in control, and that i don't need toworry about tomorrow, because He has it in His hands.

I head to Plummer,ID on saturday morning, and I am so excited to begin the work I feel God has been preparing me for, for the past few years! One thing I would ask for the current time, is prayer that I would have thestrength needed to dowhat needs done,and it only comes from God. Also that God would continue to direct me in His path, that i would have the courage to say and do what needs done. Also, that i would be ready in and out of season, and have a reason to give those who ask why I do what I do.

Thanks to all who are prYing and supporting this endeavor! May God bless you and keep you.

In Him,
Bruce