Anguish...

http://m.youtube.com/?rdm=4pdv8cg25&reload=3#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DlGMG_PVaJoI&v=lGMG_PVaJoI&gl=US

Please, watch this...

May God help us to release the hurt, and the sins we carry around each day.

Romans 8:18

The words I speak...

for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
(Matthew 12:37 ESV)

Tonight at "Crosslife" the message was given about words... The Bible plinly states that we will give an account not just for our actions, but for our words. This really hit me tonight! How many pointless things, hurtful, or mean things do I say each day!?

What will I be remembered for? My goofiness? My pride? Or how I spoke of Jesus!? Because with how I have been living lately, I honestly question my relationship with Jesus.

I dont know, the message just got me in a spot I can't really explain. But all I know is I am far from being a "Man of God". I am so weak in my Spirituallity, and my flesh is so bad.
I can sympathize with Paul when he said "Wretched man that I am, who shall save me from this body of death." Thanks be to GOD!
I want to believe, I want to be strong enough to be led by God. Right now I feel like that small soft voice I should hear... Is not there.

I need Jesus, but I am struggling finding Him in all my stuff....

Who am I? A sinner saved by grace. Again I point to Galatians 2:20 and the verse I have as my blog header. (Ephesians)

April is coming to quick...

What is good for Christianity?

And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!" (Romans 10:15 ESV)


Recently, I have seen a lot of accusing, and a lot of finger pointing. We rip on those who lead the church, and call them names, that they are hypocrites... I don't get this...

Why? Because I look at my life, and most everyone I know. I don't see many doing anything to forward the gospel past maybe a casual I believe in Jesus here and there. Then we look at those who are on the forefront of preaching the gospel, and we slander them for not doing how we would. I think the main point there is "How we would." We don't!

So what is better for Christianity? Those who preach the gospel, even with their short comings... Or those who do very little, and point fingers...

I have nowhere to speak against anyone. I must first learn to do my best, to walk as Christ walked. Till that day, I give thanks that we even have the gospel...

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." (1 Peter 1:13-16 ESV)

I have decided that I am done with normal life. The End.

In Christ... Alone.

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.
(Ephesians 2:13-22 ESV)

The best thing I think about being a Christian is the fact that we did/do nothing to earn it. You think about Muslims, Catholics, and all the other religions... They all are works based. But you read that first verse, and it plainly states that Jesus draws us. We who were far off, have been brought near by the Blood of Christ. For me that is such good news! Because I know my sins, my tendencies, and my habbits. They are not pleasing to God, but because of His great love... He saved me.

You read that through Him we have access to the Spirit and the Father! That He brought us words of peace. Even though we were hostile to Him, He drew us to Him! We are no longer aliens!

I guess what I am getting at is this... We should be worshipping Him all the time! He did this for us! He chose us! We are naturally against Him, but He loves us anyway! This should drastically change us from the inside out! We should be so in awe, and in love with Him, that it changes our whole perspective on life!

I read about Paul, and his ministry. That took such devotion! But to Him it wasn't a sunday thing, or a dead ritual... It was life! That is what I want, I want Christ to be such a big thing in my life... That it is all I can think about! It is all I can talk about!
If i say Jesus is my Lord, then He needs to have that place in my life... not just the title.

I can fake it all I want. But until He is evident, all I am doing is decieving myself. How can I live my life one way, but say I do it another? If non believers dont see a difference in me right away, then something is wrong.

Is it fear? Control? Or just plain unbelief?
We need to examine ourselves, do we truly believe? Cause if we do, won't we act on that?

It really is cool if you think about it, think about it.

The power of human wants is staggering. - John Piper

I know for me that when it comes to buying or getting things... I suck. I am selfish and want things for myself all the time. Wether it be a game or a relationship or just a coffee. Every day I find myself in a battle between wants and needs. All of this by the way is over material things, and in all honesty is not of much importance.

The hymn comes to mind with these lyrics: "I hear the Savior say, thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness watch and pray. Find in me thine all in all."
Jesus Paid it all, it is all to HIM I owe, because sin had left a crimson stain. But HE washed it white as snow.
That right there is where my wants should lie... The God of the universe died for me, He took the cost of my freedom. He took all the things that should have condemned me, and cleared my name.
How do I respond to this crazy love? What can I do?
I can do as Paul did, train myself to count all as loss, compared to the worth of knowing Christ. I can discipline myself to be in Him, and live because of Him. Because often I live because of me and my wants.
I can show others what I have learned, and not be ashamed of the gospel. Which in all honesty we say we arent but I think we are. If we were not ashamed, would we not share it more than we do? Would we not do more than church? Would we not be reading it instead of watching tv, or doing video games? Is God not more important than these passing pleasures?

I dont claim by any means to have this down pat... But I do believe I am getting closer each day. And I KNOW God is worth it.

Is HE worth it to you?

Its just the way things hapen

So I am back in Bozeman! I rode with my best friend Mr. Dave Robins.
We got to stop by and see some really good friends in Minneapolis, which was awesome.

But that is all besides the point. The fact is that 2 weeks ago I had no roomates as far as I knew. Within 48hrs time I got 2! :) GGod provides! They are both from Mdub and amazing guys. Super excited to begin growing more in Christ along with them!

As far as plans for the future, who knows. I still want to go back and do the ministry so much in my hometown!But for now my task is to grow as much as possible, and to live a life worthy of my calling.

I consider all as loss, compared to CHRIST!

Baggage

May God help us to release the hurt, and the sins we carry around each day.

Romans 8:18

One step forward, one step back...

I have recently been struggling a lot with focus. And not being able to focus, has made it super difficult to stay in the word and prayer. A lot of it is because of the chaos that has gone on in my life. I know the Bible says that the good work He started in me He will complete.. But I dont see that a lot of times. A lot of times I just want to throw my hands up and do... nothing. Between sinning and not wanting to, moving when I dont want to, and not knowing what I am doing when moving...scares me.

I hear the word, but it does not stick. I pray a prayer, I dont think I did much... I feel like, even though i cant hit a pinacle in my faith, I have come to a stand still in my faith. I dont know how to go forward and it is frustating me so much. Then I end up giving up, and not doing anything.

I wished to move to the mountains, its no lie.. but now that I am there... without knowing why I am there.. Why Christ has me there... I begin to question if it was really Christ who lead me there? Or was it my selfish ambition? I want to do something useful for Christ, I know I am called for ministry... What that looks like has taken me so long to figure out. I dont want to settle for a random job... or barely making it, by making coffee. I would rather be barely making it, serving Christ in some ministry.

Also, I see married people, and I long for that... I long for the day when I am not alone in my car driving across country. But its where God has me right now. So what do I do? Do I pray for it? I know there is the cliche God in your timing.... But seriously! Either let it go, or get on it... But it scares the tar out of me, because I myself have been running around, and dont have any money saved up. I dont know one father who would like that! :)

So... Where is Bruce at in life?

Living life, trying to turn a corner. I want to serve Jesus, just need to learn what that truly means, and what it looks like. :)

~Galatians 2:20~