make a man out of you!

So today I got together with Chris again, we always meet up when I come home for a visit. :)
It was so good to hear what God has been and is doing in the hearts of the teens in my hometown. How God has used HCY over the years is just incredible. Once again I was faced with the option of coming on staff. And committing my financial and physical needs to the Lord in service through ministry.

Chris had a lot of good points as far as not me joining HCY, but me following God and listening to His soft, still voice. Questions like "What are you doing in Bozeman?" and "Do you feel God calling ou to Bozeman? Or just to ministry?"

Those for me right now are very good questions. Yes I love Bozeman, and I love the mountains. But what has God called me to? Mountains? No, He has called me to ministry that I know.
So what this looks like is where I am at now. The fact that jobs arent working, and I dont feel at peace... it makes me wonder if God isnt calling me home.

God has taken me all over, I have been through the grind of life I think enough for now. It is now time to choose what I will do, and where I wil stay for atleast a whole chapter of my life.
This has been one chapter, maybe Wisconsin is the next chapter in this story...

Sing!

Sing, Sing, Sing, and make music in the heavens!

Recently I have been remembering the time I had at MWSB. And all the different things I was able to do in the time I had there as a student.  God was(is) so good, the friendships, the alone time, the prayer time... So helpful. It gets me to thinking about right here and now, and how can it be atleast somewhat like that.

Honestly I think what I had at school, was in close relation to what you see in Scripture. We worked hard, and we engulfed ourselves in Gods word. We reached out to others through drama and choir, and multiple other things. We were secluded but not so much that we were not doing the great commission. Yes, it cant be like that, but cant I take things from that and place them in my life here and now?

I want to sing so much! I want to act goofy, and have it be okay!

I want to give it all over to Jesus, and just live a life of full devotion... but it is so difficult!

ROMANS 12:

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
 
(Romans 12 ESV)

I don't know what to title this...

I feel like a broken record saying this, and I have come terms with the fact that many think I am very discontent and unhappy with where I am at. Well, I am writing this to confirm all your suspicions and to finally just come out and say it. Because once again I am feeling that I moved in haste and did not do the right thing.
When I was home last things did not go as planned, and alot happened in my life at once. I had an opportunity that I simply passed over because of haste, and a longing to get away from home...again.
I think a lot of this comes from my view of God. I often don't picture Him as God so much but as a boss. The guy who tells me what to do, and when to do it. And like usual I am horrible at following directions, so I go my own route... then later discover that it was totally opposite of what was originally planned. The only difference with Him is, I dont get fired after the 3rd mess up.
I don't know why, but I... I don't know whats going on to be blunt. I don't know what I am to do with my life, I have so many interests and they all collide and create quite the mess. I love youth, but I love music, but I love physical labor... but I HATE mornings. So in those few things you could see how the mess happens.
But in general, I am having a hard time finding a place that feels like home. I always look back at High school, and wonder why I was so content then... was it cause I had no option, and so that time was just the best? Because even at MWSB the whole first semester and at the end, all I wanted was to get out, and do whatever.
Has God called me to be a sojourner? I don't know... I don't know if I am cut out for that kind of thing, and if so what would I do with my time, and where would I go? Not that that has been a huge issue up to this point but... Is there even the slightest plan?
I am not the most organized guy, but I do like order, and to know what is happening and when... so I do enjoy some sort of control. But the last... 7 months of my life have been complete chaos and no order, and absolute insanity. I honestly dont know what effect I have had anywhere I have been, because I have not been there long enough to know. Whether it was finances or or just not allowing God to get me through the rough stuff. I have either left or copped out of multiple things. I hate the feeling I have in my gut... the feeling of failure and flat out disbelief in God. The fact that God has given me opportunities everywhere I have gone, and not allowing them to blossom. I have done it time and again.
I feel the definition of insanity comes into play here... "Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."
I have moved over and over expecting different results each time. When in honesty, is moving from one group of sinful people, to another group of sinful people... gunna change much? Probably not.
The Bible talks about being content in all circumstances, and to rejoice in trials... I have done neither...
Instead I have tucked in my tail, and run the other way. I can blame it on the fact I am a people pleaser, or that I hate confrontation... all of which are true. But none of which are an excuse for my actions.

As for what I am up to now... During this time home for Christmas I will be examining what I am doing, and why very hard. Actually taking the time to pray over what to do.
As for what I am doing... I don't know. I couldn't tell you. Even tonight at church a person asked me what I was up to... all I could say was living life... Because I chose to come home, I have no job, and an apartment I cant pay for... So... my rash decisions have caught up with me, and others pay the price...

I want to be what God made me to be... this video explains it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk


Prayer would be great as I try and mend all that I have broken....

A world turned upside down?

When I think about the Lord, how He saved me, how He raised me... I wish I fell on my face. But I don't. I am listening to “Crazy Love” right now, and the more I listen the more ashamed I am that I take so much for granted. God calls us to a life of worship, a life that is fully devoted to Christ, and wholly surrendered to the great commission.

I guess I just never thought of what that really looks like in my day. What does it look like? Can we do what the disciples did, and just go around proclaiming it? If not, why?

If He is all that matters in this life, if He is who gave me life... Why can't I do that? What is so “weird” about it?

Why do we allow what others think, and what the church does as “tradition” effect how we worship or how we live out our faith? Shouldn't we love Him genuinely?

If that means you raise your hands, then raise them. If that means you don't sing, and just stand there praying, or in awe of the fact that you are able to sing and pray to the ALMIGHTY God? Then do it. The fact is no one should scold you, or judge you for anything that you do towards God, that was a genuine act of worship.

Whether you are charismatic, pentecostal, Evangelical, Methodist, Calvinist, Or even Non-Denominational(?). No matter what you are, no matter what version of the Bible you have, or what background you have... You worship the same God. But for some reason in the church we find the stupidest things to rip apart. The Calvinist is to strict, the charismatic is to showy... and so on.
Lets blow all that off to the side and just focus on you, and me. I am not like you, where you may get up at 6am I may not get up till 8am. You like tea, I like coffee. You like summer, I like fall. You email, I facebook.
The point is we all like different things, and we all do something different from the guy or girl next to us. So why does it matter if one person worships with His hands up in the air, the other worships with his hands in his pockets. Who are we to judge who is the better? The outward can be deceiving. We need to remember “man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Lately this has really been on my mind. The fact that the church has split and made different churches, different denominations, and everything because of the smallest things. This group hates this group, and this other group is a cult, so we all hate them.
But... Don't we all read the same Bible... unless you are mormon or catholic...

Don't we all worship the same GOD. We may all have different views of God, we may take some things out of context, don't we all? The thing is, a lot of time these things aren't the case! A lot of times it is a split through worship music or lifting of hands!!! HOW DUMB! We are all selfish damned people, who don't know a freaking thing about what the heck we are doing. It is about our comfort and our wants. The church has turned into a squabbling bunch of three year olds who don't give a rip about the guy next to them.

We give cause it looks good, we worship because its planned, and we sit through a sermon that if we are honest... we aren't listening cause we have texts coming in.

God isn't interested in you. Sorry. He loves you, He died for you. But He isn't interested in people who are lukewarm. So go cry in a corner.

Okay, I am done ranting now...

So... If you are still reading this, my point is this:

God is more important than denominations, worship style, or any text you may receive.

Lets get off the couch, guys quit watching cartoons, or playing video games. Lets take to heart what we say or read, and do it. If we are not ashamed, then we should be okay with doing whatever it takes to make God the focus, and only focus of our lives.

Why not preach Jesus to everyone we meet? Cause it is awkward? Or cause we are to prideful? Or because we honestly just dont think about it..? We don't think about the God who gave us our breathe. Hmm....
What I am saying is... You don't know what will happen tomorrow, you are a mist that appears then vanishes(James). So go share Jesus, don't give crappy excuses, and just do it. Because death does not wait for you. Satan will be more than pleased when you believe the lie that you have all the time in the world, and can do whatever you want. When the Bible clearly states to constantly preach the gospel, and to be ready in and out of season. The thing is, you may not have all winter to share Christ. Tomorrow you may be driving and go off the road, and you will be dead. What have you done in the past week for Christ? And going to Bible school does not count. Who have you shared Christ with? Have you even thought about it?

It shocks me when I think about my life. Because honestly I have not done half of this, but I am changing that as we speak. I just got my own place and have spent the past week, and all tonight focusing on this. How do I change, what does it take, who can I share Jesus with?

But even if I just think about it does that really count!? NO!

That is what the church.. that is what WE do! We are the church, we are Gods messengers, His ambassadors to this world! He chose us, but we think that we... these tiny little specks in a massive world, that is in an even more massive universe... that we are in charge, we are most important. How foolish.

So what are you going to do about your faith? Are you going to truly follow Christ, or just think it? Just be a church goer? The Bible says to be DOERS of the Word, and not just hear it and so deceive ourselves. God doesn't want a half hearted, self serving... nancy. He wants a passionate, faithful, giving, worshiper!!!

Go and make disciples!!!

Live Life. Please.

"You are everything good, You are everything Beautiful, You are everything, You're everything!" - Gungor


That line... I like it, but at the same time it amazes me at what that is saying. God is EVERYTHING!? Seriously...
I feel like the next thing someone would say is... Can I quote you on that?
That is a very bold statement to be making about someone...something... a thought... that you have never met. I can imagine next time that something bad happened that they would be in your face asking who He was? Everything or was it Nothing?

I guess that is a good question, who is God? Not just the thought, or the universal idea of Him. But what is YOU'RE concept of God? Is He loving, Judgmental, Mean, Powerful, Weak, Gracious, Strict?
What strikes you? Does the thought or the topic of God just make you're spine shiver.. Or does it comfort you?

I for one, lately, have had both. God has been good to me in so many ways. But He throws in these things that just make me want to get so mad, and just forget about Him. I find myself asking why the heck did this happen, or why would He allow me to have this, just to seemingly take it away afew weeks later?

The words "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" come to mind more than once a week.
But then I remember in lamentations... which for those of you who dont know is about a guy named Jeremiah, who just wanted to get the complaining, and the cries of his heart out!
The thing is, about half way through the book in chapter 3... He totally flips it around. He starts talking about how the Lords mercies never fail, and how they are new every morning! EVERY MORNING! And that He is ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

So lets get this straight... God allows crap to happen... but He is considered faithful? He takes things away from you, that you enjoy... Yet He is gracious and gives us all we need... in.... Him?

The woman at the well is a perfect example. This lady, honestly, she was horrible at living a "good" life! Jesus goes to the well because He knew she would be there, and starts conversing with her about living water. How HE was that water, and that HE could bring her all the fulfillment and joy that she was looking for. It took her quizzing her and He simply told her about the fact that she had had 5 husbands. Then all of a sudden she goes and tells everyone that He told her everything about her. He did? And they, even with knowing who she was, went and listened. Why?
The only reasoning in this is for one... When you meet Jesus you can't help but be changed in a dramatic way. Jesus didnt tell her everything about her, but through that one thing, it brought out many others in her heart. And secondly, they all saw that change, the change in her stature, and her voice... and it made them curious enough to see who this JESUS was!

So really if you don't know Jesus, and only know about Jesus... You can't say what or who He is... She may have heard of Him, but it wasn't till they met, that she saw and heard Jesus for herself, and it was life changing.

But that is only one little bit of a lot of questions...
So back to myself, just this week... I went to go check my schedule at work. I was supposed to have off on the 21st, so that i can fly home to my family for Christmas. Well my boss did not do what he said he would, so i am working that day now! I have been furious, furious at him, furious at everyone. Because this was supposed to be simple. My first resort was to yell at God and ask why the heck my boss didnt do what the heck he was supposed to!
So now I am faced with the choice... go home? Or work? Because the other end of this was... If I dont work that day... there is a 99% chance I wont have my job when I return.
So why would God, knowing that I have the flight tickets, and that I also do need the job... throw this at me!? Doesnt He care? Did I do something wrong to make Him teach me a lesson? I mean, I know I am a sinner so i screw up alot... but still, I am a decent guy....

I have been a Christian since the age of 7, and I am still asking this!?!?

So in closing... I am not going to answer all these questions, because honestly I do not have all the answers. I also believe a lot of these are personal questions that you need to answer for yourself...

All I can say is this, God puts hard times in our lives to make us more dependent upon Him. We tend to be very selfish... But our God is a jealous God, and is deserving of our praise and adoration.
We may not understand all the logistics of it, but we can't put God in a box.
God never gives more than we can handle, and we always have friends beside us to pick us up. A cord of three strands is not easily broken!

So who is God to you?
How are you going to respond to what life throws at you?
Where is your trust? In Him? Or in your own strength?

Galatians 2:20 - Read it!

The problem with America, and all of us there within...

Psalm 66:5 "Come and see what God has done: He is awesome in His deeds toward the children of man."

So I get an apartment come the 16th and dont get me wrong I am so excited for this, and the fact that I can allow people over to my place! Give them a place to relax, chat, do homework... Whatever it is. But the more I get to prepare for this, the more I wonder what it is I need, and what I want... Many people dont have a roof over their head... Just today I passed a man on the street who looked so cold, and worn down. He held a sign that said "anything helps". He wasnt asking for money, or anything, maybe he just needs a sweatshirt. But I didnt stop, or even give it a thought, till just now. Last night I went to a friends house, and all that happened was a lot of weed and smoking. Which from non believers is normal, but did I mention anything, or say it isnt right? I can do that in love right?
So are both of these situations in the past 24 hours just normal life things... Or opportunities from God to show or proclaim His love. Most would say no, but the more I think on it.. Dont we live and breathe to proclaim Him? Isnt that our whole purpose as a believer? Or do we just keep God in our heads. He is okay to speak of where it is safe for us, but otherwise... Is it reaallly necessary?
So when it comes down to it, even though I say I love God, I am ashamed of the truth I hold, because it makes me uncomfortable, or loses friends. Im a selfish hypocrite, who thinks that the only thing that matters is my comfort.
I read Romans 8, about life in the spirit... And that it includes suffering for Him, the taking up of our crosses... Because nothing is to compare in this world with the surpassing glory that is to be revealed to us!
Galatians 2:20 became my life verse when I went to MWSB, it states:
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
I wish that verse rang true in my life.. But i know the my heart, and I know that this is not what I am like. I have been crucified with Christ... My judgment has been taken, but as for the living by faith, because of that? I am not sure that I know what that truly means. I mean, I will say I do, because believers are supposed to right? But how many "believers" just put on the "i have faith" face, when in all reality... We dont even know what it looks like. We dont look any different than the other guy who lives His life in sin.
The fact is, we are sinners saved by grace... But that does not mean we continue sinning! I pray that God breaks our hearts for what breaks His, and that we begin to live unashamed. Not just saying we have faith, not just hanging out with friends, but truly going after the matter of the heart. Truly focusing on eternity, and that all here is loss for the sake of Christ, and our neighbors and friends need Jesus! Cause tomorrow may be to late.

Why?

WHAT DISTURBED YOU MOST IN 2011?
What disturbed you the most? A lost soul in Hell, or a scratch on that car. Your missing the worship service or missing a days work. The church not growing very fast or the garden not growing. Your Bible unopened, or a newspaper unread. The contributions decreasing or your income decreasing. Your children late to Bible study or late to public school. Your church work neglected or your housework neglected. To miss Bible class or to miss your favorite TV program. Low attendance at worship or low attendance at a party. Now how about 2012?

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (John 12:25 ESV)

Why are we so blind as believers!? We sit on our couches, play video games and watch tv... When there are so many who need Christ! I am so tired of just conforming, there is so much that needs done, and we just pass the time like we have nothing more important to do! Who the heck do we think we are!!?? We are flat out selfish idiots! I am a huge culprit of this!
It sickens me to think that one night I will lead worship and the next act as if God isnt important at all! Do non believers even see a freaking difference in me, or any of us!?
What is so different? We dont swear? Smoke? Big woop!!!!!
I can not cuss but stil be as normal as joe shmoe next to me!

God didnt give us all these things to enjoy, just in and of themselves! We dont have a car, so that it can take the place of our neighbor who is condemned to hell, because we decided to put more thought into our own personal needs.
We live in dying bodies, and a dying world... So who gives a rip about our crap! If we are not wholly focused on Hi, what the heck is the point! Paul says that he counts all as loss for the sake of KNOWING CHIRST! I know I cannot say that... Why!? Because my priorities are messed the heck up!

God is patient, but we are just plain ignorant and selfish. We say we love Him, and supposedly worship on sunday... But we act like retards the rest of the week. May God save us from these bodies of death.. Thank goodness for grace.