I have recently been struggling a lot with focus. And not being able to focus, has made it super difficult to stay in the word and prayer. A lot of it is because of the chaos that has gone on in my life. I know the Bible says that the good work He started in me He will complete.. But I dont see that a lot of times. A lot of times I just want to throw my hands up and do... nothing. Between sinning and not wanting to, moving when I dont want to, and not knowing what I am doing when moving...scares me.
I hear the word, but it does not stick. I pray a prayer, I dont think I did much... I feel like, even though i cant hit a pinacle in my faith, I have come to a stand still in my faith. I dont know how to go forward and it is frustating me so much. Then I end up giving up, and not doing anything.
I wished to move to the mountains, its no lie.. but now that I am there... without knowing why I am there.. Why Christ has me there... I begin to question if it was really Christ who lead me there? Or was it my selfish ambition? I want to do something useful for Christ, I know I am called for ministry... What that looks like has taken me so long to figure out. I dont want to settle for a random job... or barely making it, by making coffee. I would rather be barely making it, serving Christ in some ministry.
Also, I see married people, and I long for that... I long for the day when I am not alone in my car driving across country. But its where God has me right now. So what do I do? Do I pray for it? I know there is the cliche God in your timing.... But seriously! Either let it go, or get on it... But it scares the tar out of me, because I myself have been running around, and dont have any money saved up. I dont know one father who would like that! :)
So... Where is Bruce at in life?
Living life, trying to turn a corner. I want to serve Jesus, just need to learn what that truly means, and what it looks like. :)
~Galatians 2:20~
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