God create in me a willingness....

I am torn between what I know i must do, and what I want to do. I long to stay here and continue to work with these guys, the teens here are so amazing and i see so much potential and love in them. I want to continue to hang out and do what i love and God has gifted me in this area... But how do i overcome the obstacle of no money? I just dont see a way around it. Plus i need help, i cannot do this on my own, i need someone who is in the same thought process and will work with me thru this whole thing. It cannot be a one man show, God has to bring someone around who is willing to do what it takes to reach this community. My heart breaks after talking with some people about it, the life that is lived here... It is so dark, but acceptable... I am so overwhelmed with the tasks and the people and the stress of not having enough and...sigh... God is in control, i want to really hold onto that, but this is so hard. I have had to ask for money, and have recieved things, which both are against my nature, i long to give, and so its been hard. How do i accept things i need but that i know if i would just live life normally with a normal job, these things wouldnt be an issue. I could pay for my own car, i could pay for someones meal... I could afford rent. Do i go homeless? Is that what God is calling me to? Do i give in to normal life, and just hope i dont get complacent and content with where i am at? How can i even be sure about what i am doing when i only seem to see failure, and more loss than anything. Will anyone remember me, or my vision, in all honesty? Is it that important? God doesnt need me, He chooses to use me, but does it have to be in this way?

So many questions... I need an answer... I need help... The Lord is my portion I shall not want...